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February 24th, 2004

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February 17th, 2004

07:14 pm F.Y.I.....Penelope Cruz is so amazingly hott....jeepers..aha Current Mood: calm Current Music: further seems forever

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February 16th, 2004

02:12 am - [A-->B]Life Don't waste your lips on words I've heard before Kiss my tired head. And each letter written wastes your hand, young man Come and lead me to your bed You gave me hope that I'd not lost her And then thought it rather strange to see me smile- as I don't do too much smiling these days. She put on happiness like a loose dress Over pain I'll never know "So the peace you had," she says, "I must confess, I'm glad to see it go." We're two white roses lying frozen just outside his door I've made you so happy and so sad, But which should I be more sorry for? Come kiss my face goodbye, that space below my eye and above my cheek Cause I'm faint and fading fast, I see a darkness And I shall be released. I'll pass like a fever from this body, And softly slip into his hands I tried to love you and I failed, But I have another plan. My Lord, how long to sing this song? And my Lord, how muchmore of this pretending to be strong? When she stands before your throne Dressed in beauty not her own All soft and small, you'll hear her call "you brought me here, now take me home." Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: mewithoutYou

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February 15th, 2004

11:18 am - how strange to see me smile....cause..i dont...do too much smiling these days Last week i had the strangest dream Where everything was exactly how it seemed Where there never any mystery on who shot john f kennedy It was just a man with something to prove Slightly bored and severely confused He steadied his rifle with his target in the center And became famous on that day in november Dont wake me i plan on sleeping And then last night i had that strange dream Where everything was exactly how it seemed Where concerns about the world getting warmer The people thought they were just being rewarded For treating others as they like to be treated For obeying stop signs and curing diseases For mailing letters with the address of the sender Now we can swim any day in november Current Mood: relieved Current Music: the postal service

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February 12th, 2004

09:00 pm - would someone please call surgeon...you can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart ...the photos we retire...were covered by snow somehow...broken from their frames and abandoned for the prize that never existed...i chased her...but my legs were just not qualified to own up to her gracefullness...once in a blue moon i can look at her face...only shortly expected...i look down...always looking at the floor...the crowds of loved ones i missed...the world around me that couldve been a path...the books i only read a few pages of that wouldve have taught me how to look up...these patterns...this routine...ive never been a fan of...this box that blurs our sight...is only a speck of what lies ahead...just beginning to see...that dimmed light at the end of the tunnel...i could just get to it if i went as much further that back to where i began...worry...sickness....death...they are all caused by eachother...surrounded by others who see in quantity rather than quality...we live in our clothes...they live in lifestyles sang by a lonely few who contradict every word...i kissed the ground they walked on for far too long...theres always someone out there...whos one step ahead of us all...the suns gone...ill still be up when it returns...without a wink...without rest...and ill go to the same places...see the same people... ...when they leave...you couldve have never imagined or had any idea how much they meant...how mush you took from them...how for once you looked up to someone...they showed you something you had never seen before...and left you thirsting to catch up to them...but now...youre on your own...nothing is promised...theres no gauranteed safety in the future...who knows where you'll be in years to come... ...i met a beautiful girl once...by a lake.. Current Mood: grumpy Current Music: armor for sleep

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February 7th, 2004

01:08 pm - i miss the way you sing low, so i cant hear your voice over the radio in my car.. does he sing to you incessingly from that space between your bed and wall...does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes...looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you...or does he know that space below your neck thats your favorite to be touched...and does he cry through broken sentences like i loved you far too much....is he coughing now on a bathroom floor...for every speck of tile theres a thousand more you wont ever see but must hold inside yourself eternally... it was your hello that kept me hanging on every word...and your goodbye that keeps me listening for your voice around each corner... today we live with what ifs...and we never know what we have until its taken away from us...a year ago this time...i felt love for the first time...and now...every day have to hurt that person...things worked out in the strangest way...the moment when i finally didnt need her anymore....she needed me...she swears it...but a year ago...id do anything just to savor what we had...but recently...i have found the purest love ive ever known...and it means the world to me...everyday reassures me...everything is good...everything is so amazing if we just take the time...i could just stand there and adore her...but i still feel that pain at the pit of my stomach...thinking of you...and what weve been through... there a love that transends all that we've known of ourselves Current Mood: calm Current Music: copeland

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February 4th, 2004

09:45 pm - i gave her the best two months of my life when the temperature dropped...we laughed...we sat on each others hands...the homeless walked the sidewalks...we picked up coins and kept them in your pocket...displays in windows...showed us theres never enough time...this christmas past us like time flies in the embrace of innocence...that concrete sank into our feet...the pigment from the ground drew us away from the rest of the world...no skin before yours ever showed me what an angel's felt like...i still see white...no eyes before these opened mine...time travel would be a friend of mine...to go back to that day..we first saw what a real breath of fresh air...what song played our heads when some fate brought you next to me...what undivided comfort our voices when in a time where our heads hung low...listen....if close enough you can hear the days we wasted away from eachother being made up...with kisses and blankets that shield us from outside...where i can share poisons and the best in me i have to offer...when we're cured..born into some glimpse of purity...time may temporarily separate us...but as long as a dial tone or an engine can bring us back...i'll remain complete.... time without you is wasted time Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: elliot

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January 31st, 2004

01:16 am - living in a contintuing soap opera if we could just stop for one moment and see...everything around us....how precious we all are....how easily we can go...we wouldnt have time and there wouldnt be a purpose for all the petty and horrible things people do to eachother...anyone of us could die tomorrow...how would you feel if someone you were close with left this world in a conflict with you...you never get a second chance to say goodbye in a situation like that...things would never be right again....because he/she would be gone forever...do you want those that kind of guilt haunting you...please never leave angry or in vain...we constantly leave the ones we love as if we'll always be there forever...everyone has their time...and we'll never have a clue when...i love you all.... i miss her... she sewed coins all around her wrists...and drew love in the middle of her name... her hair falls in her face...our hands fit so perfectly together...everything around us drifts apart when she looks at me...it's us against the world....she puts everything down on paper and shows it to you...her lips make you weak...and somehow someway...she never looks the same...but at the same just as perfect everytime...when its dark....we still glow...we still see eachother the same...pictures are worth so many thoughts...but she is something else....something you cant pinpoint...put me in my place if i ever start to take her for granted...she is a gift...that lit up every single aspect of my life...it feels like i havent lived before...until now...everything is ok...and for once...waking up has so much meaning...shes the one....bright as the sun.. whenever im alone with you...you make me feel like i am home again Current Mood: dorky Current Music: voices underwater....in my head....

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January 21st, 2004

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January 11th, 2004

10:25 pm - im safe under your covers ...and there you were with a gentle smile and an open hand....we breathed in and felt alive again....felt the blood in our veins....and you kissed my tears away... I never believe that things happen for a reason And they never go as planned.... I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned..... until youre sleeping and im sure....i dont understand how i've found a love so pure...dont lift a finger let me hold you...hold you here until the pain it has all gone...ill take care of you... tomorrow needs to come sooner....youre the reason for every smile...ive never nearly smiled as much until you came along love...you mean the world to me... sama that was the best movie ive ever seen...wink wink....which one did we watch again????...teehee well fuck copeland......my new favorite band is fabricate...theyre a brutal butt force of nu metal mixed with death....my best guess is mudvayne meets cradle of filth....i forgot the website im pretty pissed about that....the sing along the subject of not judging a book by its cover... how the human body was made to eat meat....and other super cool subjects...they are a four piece unstopable jaugernaught...they also like to vandalize other people cars...and not own up to it....how metal is that???...on second thought id rather have my ass fabricated that watch another set of fabricate...their bass player might be one of the best but he totally takes the cake of being a complete smuck...more cock less rock boys lesson 1.... lesson 2....if you dont want a conflict keep your mouth closed and learn not to be so effing full of yourselves.... lesson 3...you can find better stuff to sing about besides ......meat... the best 5 bones i ever spent im just glad i have the best girlfriend in the world Current Mood: anxious Current Music: third eye blind-blinded

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January 6th, 2004

11:05 pm - taking for granted all of her smiles that got away so we were back in the hallways.. but now it didnt matter who saw...its only me and you... hold on for one more minute...for a few more kisses...if i know youre not miles away its harder for me not to come find you again... the day went slow...but what else could i have expected... she looked different today.... but different in a "shes so beautiful it takes my breath away and my heart pops out of my chest" kinda thing... and she has...the best in her...she will always amaze me... its ironic we remember each and every single moment we share... grey thread sewn from the coins you lost in your wrists.... you always sketch a heart in your name... you are the teeth and lungs.....bitting back and breathing in Current Mood: bored Current Music: appleseed cast

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January 5th, 2004

09:18 pm - its a broken house bloody hand prints on the walls i swear... if i didnt have you i dont know what id do.. i already felt like ive known you for years....but last night opened so many other doors....im so glad we talked about everything that was on our minds....we should do that everyday...its the best...and that other thing we talked about....lol i know we can do so much more without it...trust me...you are the best...i missed you so much today...i wish we could just stop time sometimes cause we never seem to get enough out of the time we share...im thinking of you love....ill write more in my other journal...that i only write in for you... well....a million things are going through my mind....tonight was the first time ive really eaten something in about 2 and a half days...i dont have an appetite anymore....i just get really thirsty all the time...at some points i feel fine and others overwhelmed...i dont know what to do with all of this...i cant help but try not to think about it...i dont want anyone to give me sympathy...they do so much just by being there to cheer me up...i love you all so very much it doesnt not do well to dwell on dreams...acceptance takes you further than you'd ever thought you'd go....when you chase the ghosts of things that have been....like a father who was never there Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: gatsbys american dream:we're not orphans

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January 2nd, 2004

06:34 pm - father of light keep my human spirit alive this world is running...and im walking with a cane... one more bump in the road...its becoming like second nature for me.. the only comfort is that there always a chance that it could be worse... im thankful for everything and everyone who is there for me... but i need to start looking out for myself... i need to start thinking about the future and if or not im ready for whats down the road....because these days hit you in the most unlikely spot...and i never see them coming...but something has to change....whether its me or my environment...home is always where you make it...but ive never known what that word means....something has to change... kalen is hom safe and sound...i dont think i was ver as worried as last night...nothing mattered...i wouldve gave anything juts to know that he was safe....id do anything for my friends....theyre all i have... They won't see The fire you have lit inside of me They look up to the stars And wonder where you might be They look up without realizing That they're standing right there in the palm of your hand I can't explain or understand I just love You It's common knowledge That you've been dead for a while It's well known that the cross is only a burden With pains and trials But then again how come my shoes are so light How come I can walk for miles And still just love You father...give me the strength to overcome this...watch over everyone i love and care about.... Current Mood: crushed Current Music: gatsbys american dream

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December 28th, 2003

05:29 pm - i think im cured...in fact darn sure she starves herself to death...but replaced all that was broken when she sung i fell under the weight of a school boy crush...i started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs...i almost forgot who i was...but i finally came to my senses... i cant believe the things i contemplated just to have you...you were never there to begin with...its been a long time...since we've spoken...you always say your sorry...and then the months go by in silence...the tears clouded my vision...i prayed for god to take me ..because everything was so pointless without you...but you just had me wrapped around your finger ...youve done that a million times to a million different people...everything that comes out of your mouth seems so perfect...only because you reherse it a thousand times before you say it...you call every so often to make sure im alive...i cant believe all the time i wasted...for nothing...fucking nothing...i put everything aside for you...my friends my family, god, my music, school...just to find out everything i thought was so special...was not only special to me...but every boy you laided your eyes on....welcome to hollywood whore...my dance has passed...i wish you a broken heart and a happy new year...someday you'll pay for everything youve done...once youve been aroung the block...everyone will see through you....you fucking whore... im about to see a million things i thought id never see before...and im about to do all those things and i dont even miss you at all... dont call dont write dont stop by...the story ends without you to you...L O V E...is just a four letter word...shesimplywillnotdie Current Mood: grateful Current Music: saosin

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December 27th, 2003

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December 25th, 2003

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01:43 am - you know its such a drag..to live your life for a heart attack perfection is running to catch up with you... we were looking at shooting stars...but everything ive wished for was right there holding my hand and smiling at me... i could look at you forever....you mean the world to me samantha...thank you for everything you have no idea...im gonna write more about you in a real journal...the hottest girl ever gave me a journal today...shes unbelievable... to all my friends and foes...a merry christmas to all of you...i hope all of you are happy and doing well....and i would like to say im sorry to anyone ive ever done wrong...i repent and am truly sorry...life is too short to worry about these kinds of things...we are all human...the is no betrayal forgiveness cant fix...i love you all... her picture will remain unbroken.. i miss you already...i could listen to this song over and over agin and it wont get old...but its better when i can look to my right and see you sitting there...looking at me....already...the butterflies are coming back...monday needs to come(wink wink)ahaha Current Mood: excited Current Music: the format:at the wake....for like the 50th time tonight

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December 20th, 2003

08:48 pm - im bringing a knife to a gun fight lets cause a scene**clap our hands and stomp out feet* yesterday must have been one of the best days ive had in a long time... i feel like the luckiest person in the world to have such amazing people apart of my life... she is so beautiful....sometimes i cant even comprehend... i have never felt this way before...its like even though its freezing outside....i always feel warm...and even when im alone...im not lonely...i never knew something could be this joyful... we turn our music down...and we whisper... ahaha....me brian kris and nick hung out yesterday...and i laughed so hard...omg...im still laughing theyre so badass.. dans moving soon...i havent hung with him in so long...hes one of my best buds and him moving going to suck...ive looked up to him more than anyone...i feel like there is still so much that he hasnt taught me yet...thanks bud... i hope tonight all of us hang out...i love you all show me the bedroom floor....show me the bathroom mirror....i miss you love Current Mood: calm Current Music: the format

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December 16th, 2003

11:48 pm - out of the red... out of her head she sang when we laugh in doors...the blissful tones bounce off the walls and fall to the floor.... when the sun came up...we were sleeping in...soaked inside our blankets sprawled across the bed... shes gone tonight...but shes here in every thought...the paper is stacking up...the days are closing in...promise not to stop when i say "when" and its ironic...getting what you've always wanted...when you've finally lost hope...when you give up...it comes from no where...and shows you how it feels to be alive again...the comfort i feel in you is undescribable...somehow whenever youre near i know everything will fall into place the way it was meant to be...and for once...i know im not going anywhere...you are a gift...you will always amaze me... how many miles are you from me....until tommorow...<3...sleep now sweet princess..ill cheer for you silently... Current Mood: artistic Current Music: death cab for cutie

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